Ah, the Monarchy never fails to provide. Again, the Windsors have given us armchair journalists a juicy story. But I fear I've grown weary of writing about yet another mundane fracas by this dysfunctional family. So, Lizzy doesn't want to go to her son's wedding. This sort of thing happens all the time in my family, indeed, a fully attended wedding is so rare, we've occasionally pulled strangers from the swimming pool, dripping wet, to witness the blessed event.
Forget Prime Minister's questions; there's a bigger debate on the telly: Is it a snub or isn't it? (And if not, do we have to cover the earthquake? Or is that footage of the Beckham baby in yet?) At least she's given poor Ken Livingstone, mayor of London, a breather. As of yesterday, he was still trying to explain why he didn't feel like saying sorry for calling a reporter a Nazi two weeks ago. Apparently, public finger-wagging works on him about as well as it does on the Royals. Meanwhile, bird flu is threatening to turn into a pandemic, George Bush is threatening to turn Iran into Iraq, and global warming is threatening to turn Scotland into Majorca.
There's always the ballet, right? What better way to elevate ourselves and our discourse?
Sadly, no.™ Your highbrow thrills have been replaced by tawdry melodrama:
Link: Coming soon: Diana the ballet set to Elgar and The Cure.
In the ballet Diana dances romantically with Dodi al-Fayed. Another theme is the Queen and Prince Philip frequently turning their backs on her. And at one point Prince Charles dances a pas de deux with Camilla Parker Bowles to Love Song, by the Cure.
"This piece is not out to judge anybody or take sides," Schaufuss said, although people who have seen the production beg to differ.
Schaufuss admitted he uses caricature to make some characters instantly recognisable, and it is unlikely that the royals will be particularly pleased to see Mrs Parker Bowles kitted out in riding gear and whacking the future monarch with her riding crop.
This will surely attract the crossover audience, the Tchaikovsky/Knots Landing crowd who flocked to Jerry Springer - The Opera. And with the Diana Memorial Fountain closed for repairs, it's a nice repository for all those flowers.
Those of us who prefer the high road will get our linguistic kicks watching the Royals parse the definition of "snub."
