The "wicked plot" with which I tempted Fate last Spring
As I sit here typing, it is once again raining. The weather experts promise brighter weather ahead this weekend, after condemning us to a miserable March and equally miserly first two weeks of April.
Last year about this time I inadvertently brought the wrath of the weather gods upon all of Britain: I bought garden furniture. I also bought flowers and plants and grass seeds. I planned to have a spectacular garden, which I'd enjoy from my new Lutyens bench, next to the chiminea on cool evenings.
What was I thinking, tempting Fate with such abandon?
For the past several years, our plans had been in flux: we assumed we'd be moving back to the U.S. each of the previous few summers, so planting anything in the garden didn't seem worth it, nor did I see any reason to replace my old metal patio table with a new one.
But last year we knew we'd be staying on, at least through another year. So I indulged. But buying patio furniture is apparently one of the Seven Deadly Sins, and in this case, it resulted in Seven Deadly Months of rain and slugs. It's as if my capriciousness reached into the atmosphere and bent the jet stream, causing untold misery to millions.
I'm pretty much all powerful like that.
The Lord hateth a "heart that devises wicked plots," the Proverbs claim. Buying garden furniture and annuals and potting soil is surely more wicked than Fifty Shades of Gray, which I also suspect had something to do with last summer's weather.
It's about time for the garden catalogs to arrive. I shall condemn them immediately to the recycle bin. I'm getting emails with tempting discounts from the many garden centres I signed up for last year, and I quickly send them to cyber hell. I haven't even uncovered my Lutyens bench; that would be like leaving home without an umbrella.
Our cold spring has meant the bluebells will likely be late this year. I saw signs of them in Hedgerley on Easter Sunday, the coldest Easter on record. The puny green shoots shivered in the mud, while about them daffodils regretted ever coming above ground.
Cold weather in January is one thing; cold temperatures in April are quite another. It didn't help that our boiler went out last Thursday. It took five days for the replacement to be installed, five days during which we shivered, most of the house shut off so we could contain the heat from the two space heaters the plumber loaned us.
It's been great to have heat again these last few days (and more efficient heat at that!). But now I'd really like some of that heat outdoors. I'd like to take a walk without gloves and a scarf. I'd like to sit next to my chiminea and enjoy a piña colada...okay, I'm getting carried away.
Even thinking of a piña colada could bend the jet stream.
If it hits 20C as predicted on Sunday, you can bet I'll celebrate. But I swear, as God is my witness, I willl never buy garden furniture again.