Dittohead? Or your brain after football injuries? (via)
I'm endlessly fascinated by my fellow Americans. Apparently many have now discovered they object to sex, at least when accompanied by birth control.
Now that contraception has become a partisan issue, thanks to the GOP candidates deciding their religion should be injected into politics, red, white, and blue Americans have been lining up on either side of their scrimmage line to support those who object to contraception, which, puzzlingly, 98% of adult Americans support. At least they did a few weeks ago when polls were conducted. But now that Rush Limbaugh has called women who use birth control "sluts" and complained about paying per sexual encounter, his acolytes have all agreed that yes, women who use birth control (for any reason) are indeed sluts and should never have their contraception paid for.
If America wants to continue its odd system of funding its citizens' health care on the backs of prudish employers, all right by me. In fact, I intend to start a business of my own someday, and since I do nothing by halves, it will be a very big corporation. I'll employ hundreds, no, thousands of people and I'll be forced to pay for their insurance.
But here's the deal: I loathe sports. And I especially hate football (both kinds). So I'm going to have an exemption in my employee health plan that excludes my employer funded insurance from paying for any sports injury.
If you sign your kid up for football, then you're on your own when he suffers a brain injury. If he plays hockey, sorry, but I won't pay for new teeth when he's hit in the face by a flying puck. And basketball isn't exempted either. When your daughter slips on the court and breaks her arm, you'll have to pay for that emergency room visit yourself.
I fully expect Rush Limbaugh and Rick Santorum to support my conscientious objection. After all, they've filled the airwaves recently with their support for employers who object to their employees having sex. I think my concerns are just as valid—after all, it's well known that playing football reduces the IQ of a player. Sex, similarly, reduces IQ, at least temporarily.
Just look at Rush Limbaugh, who reportedly uses Viagra when he goes on his Bahamas vacations in order to, um, fulfill his manly obligations. He can barely speak coherently. In his confused rants, he seems to think that birth control pills are taken each time a woman has sex. It's as if he's confusing contraceptive pills with Viagra.
I wonder if he played football when he was still slim enough to suit up. Somehow, I doubt he was ever anything but an armchair quarterback, and it's likely he never scored in high school either.