The Interview, cont.: The Name Thing

Question number two:

Why did you become a Flake?

This is a good question for today, since it's my anniversary. (Happy anniversary, dear! See? I didn't forget!) I've often wondered if my fellow feminists think I'm a fraud, taking my husband's name instead of maintaining my own unique identity. A couple of incidents actually contributed to my decision to change my name from KathyS to KathyF, one of which I think KathyR can relate to.

When I married my husband I was just finishing my junior year of college. It never occurred to me to change my name. I'd developed, over the years, a pretty good reputation as KathyS, and as editor of my university yearbook, I couldn't imagine changing my name midstream, and having to explain when I phoned someone who I was. Plus, my professors knew me as KathyS, and all my school records were under my name.

So I kept my name, and also my checking account. When I got my dependent ID (now there's a name I'd like to get rid of!) the airman preparing the papers didn't bat an eyelash at at my decision to keep my name, even though this was in the early 80s. Not so many women did that then.

After a year I graduated and we moved to a new apartment. I took my ID and my shopping list to the base commissary, prepared to buy all the necessities a young foodie needs for her first apartment.

When I showed the checkout lady my ID, and wrote her a check from my own account, she told me she couldn't accept the check, since I didn't share my husband's name. I was shocked, humiliated (she implied I was trying to get a benefit I wasn't entitled to) and downright mad. I cried all the way home, to my empty pantry.

Something else happened around this time. My brother married a slut girl named Kathy. He soon discovered, along with the rest of us, that she was No Good. She, however, had no qualms about taking his name, and now there were two of us named KathyS. It occurred to me that one day I might read about myself being arrested for drugs, prostitution, or who knows what in the local paper, and I wondered if anyone I went to high school with would think it was me.*

They were only together a few weeks, but it took him a long time to divorce her. Meanwhile, she was skipping out on bills all over town. One day, during a weekend I was visiting my mom, a sheriff came by, looking for KathyS, who'd left my mom's address as her mailing address. Fortunately, I was off somewhere, or else he'd have arrested my ass and drug me down to the local pokey. (I like to imagine my husband would have heroically saved me, by possibly calling in the 8th Air Force.)

This, followed by the incident at the commissary, convinced me I was better off a Flake. At least there weren't any arrest warrants out for KathyF. (Although if I ever get my hands on that checkout lady, there might be.)

Now, I love my name. People remember you when you're a Flake, and that's a good thing, usually. I love my husband's family, and am proud to be one of them, but more than that, I feel like a Flake now—it has become my own unique identity, the one I chose. I wouldn't change my name for anything.

*Ironically, when I was home recently, my brother told me he had indeed read about his former wife in the paper recently. She'd been arrested for domestic violence—she beat up her husband. I was right to be worried.

Comments

[KathyR]

I got married in 1992. Not long after, I actually had a man tell me that not taking my husband's last name was "like you're not married at all."

Who's come a long way?

I'm sorry your ex-sis-in-law has sullied your old good name.

[KathyR]

Oh, and my father-in-law was in the 8th Air Force in WWII.

[John]

I got married 27 years ago and my wife kept her name. I've always felt that it was strictly a personal decision and no one else's business but the parties involved. Someone who has the gall to suggest that a woman not taking the man's name is like "not being married at all" seems to me to be a few bricks short of a load.

[catherine]

Interesting. I am over 30 and have never been married. Should I get married at this point, I would be hard pressed to change my name.

Until then, it is a moot point.

[Imperatrix]

Phew! I'm not the only woman who forgets her anniversary!

;-)

[Rod]

Maybe I should reconsider. I'm always telling my wife how much I appreciate the few women friends of her's who AREN'T flakes. She readily changed her name when we married since few people need to ask how to spell Adams.

[Diane]

Curious--did you ever report the commissary idiot?

I did retain my family name, and to this day, I have problems--not like cashing a check or anything like that. Just getting people to realize that yes, I am married to the person with the other name. And it isn't because of where I live; I have as much trouble with people who call l-d from all over the country.

[Serge]

Your hubby wouldn't have called on the Air Force to rescue you from your criminal activities. He'd have done it himself, using the Air Force's own secret rocket backpack. (Now, where are those photos from The Rocketeer?)

Sue kept her own name, but her younger sisters took on their hubbies's names, partly (only partly), they hated their own name. That, I think, came from other kids pronouncing 'Krinard' as if it rhymed with 'nerd'. And that name seems to cause dyslexia: I don't know how many times I'll make a call for Sue, spell her name slowly as k-r-i-n-a-r-d, and people would read it back as k-i-r-n-a-r-d.

That being said, my belated wishes for a Happy Birthday.

[KathyF]

Diane, it was my first trip alone to the commissary. I figured they quizzed everyone like that, and vowed never to go back.

KathyR, my father-in-law may have known yours.

[Kath]

I think people need to use whichever name they prefer. When I got married I could not WAIT to have a new last name. Loved the name, loved the way it sounded..and sounds...love the way it looks.

Was divorced 6 years ago and I kept my married name...had no desire to give it up.