Dear Sir, I am in the smallest room of the house. I have your letter before me. Soon it will be behind me.
Finally, something to do with rejection letters other than burn them!
Lulu.com offers to print them on "hearty two-ply, facial-quality paper" suitable for the loo.
I think I have enough rejection letters for a roll or two. My favorite is the one from an agent telling me she loved the premise, unfortunately historical novels aren't selling right now. I've never written a historical novel in my life.
Then there was the two-page rejection letter explaining in great detail how my protagonist was a whiny ass titty baby. Or something like that. You had me at "Sorry, not interested."
But unfortunately the best rejection letters (is that an oxymoron?) never arrive. I've lost count of how many editors and agents never bother to reply at all, even when they've requested your work, even when your agent sends the material. Even when you send an SASE with enough postage to reply to Mars.
These are the ones that really deserve the toilet paper treatment.
(The quote above is from Lulu.com, quoting, possibly, Churchill.)
