I see you have failed utterly to bring peace to the Middle East, but don't feel bad: Others* have tried before and also failed, only you didn't really try, did you? I suppose you may have tried to get a word in edgewise with your pal George—does he allow you to call him that?—but his attention was on Kofi and Angela at the G8. I guess he's bored with his pet poodle, now that there are other world leaders to embarrass. And besides, who knew all those world capitals were ALL eight hours from St Petersburg?!
And now your latest visit, hailed with much hope here and probably ignored there, has turned into another lost opportunity. Was Camp David not available? Maybe you could have cornered George by the fireplace in Aspen, grasped him by the shirtsleeves, stuffed a roll in his mouth, and explained to him how Israel isn't really playing fair with those toys he's been sending over. I know, it's a difficult job, and you did wrangle an apology out of him. Although I bet you've heard better apologies from Leo: "I'm sorry I forgot to ask if I could use your airfield. May I be excused now?"
Anyway, I'm not writing to rag you about peace in the Middle East—it's so, like, 70s, isn't it? I mean, Clinton pulled it off again in the 90s, but who likes sequels anyway?
No, what has compelled me to write is news that you are finally—finally!—showing some backbone by going around George's back and signing an agreement with Arnold out in California. Clever move, from what I can tell. We need less carbon around here.
By the way, the weather's been fine since you left—but those Met Office folks are predicting another heat wave, starting next week. I'm thinking of heading for Greenland—you know, escape the heat and watch the last of the glaciers melt. Know of a good B&B, maybe one with a view of Kangerdlugssuaq?
It's really a shame that CNN has to slap a bright yellow Breaking News banner over the news about your pact with Arnold, reminding us how you failed in getting even a 48 hour ceasefire. But at least those dead Lebanese children won't have to worry about greenhouse gases anymore!
Better luck next time with that peace thing. Maybe Angela could have a go at it.
*Are you coming up with any names? Me either, other than Carter and Clinton, who managed to keep a lid on that Middle East thing. Maybe you could, uh, stop in Plains on your way home.