Oh, we're all atwitter again, here in the UK. (Two twitters in one week--does that count as exercise?) If you're living on another continent and haven't heard, Charles and Camilla have announced, after years of living an inappropriate lifestyle, their engagement.
The blessed event will occur on April 8, at Windsor, which conveniently is located just down the road from your favorite blogger. (Okay, your favorite UK blogger. All right, the blogger you turn to when Atrios, Kos, and Sadly No are away at the Blogger Conference.)
Whatever, I intend to cover this story like white on rice, or at least like rice always sticks to the spoon, necessitating another spoon just to scoop it off. So forget CNN, Sky, and Weekly World News. What Do I Know? is all over this.
The first controversy (conTROVersy if you're British, Annus Horribilis if you're a member of the Royal Family) involves what to call the new Mrs. Wales. The title "Princess of Wales" is already taken, even though the former Pr. of Wales is dead. (Might I suggest "HRH Posthumous Princess of Wales, in Perpetuity" instead?) And will Camilla eventually become "Queen Camilla" or will she simply be known as "Queenie"? And do Wills and Harry plan to call her "Mum", or run screaming whenever she walks into the room?
And, most importantly, what is the extent of David Blunkett's involvement?
Fortunately, a committed newshound such as myself can track down the answers to these questions and more, simply by sitting on a couch and listening to the Beeb (what we affectionately call the BBC here in the UK). Turns out Camilla will become HRH Duchess of Cornwall, and in the event Charles ascends to the throne, she'll become the Princess Consort. (Former King Edward VIII was unavailable for comment.) As for Wills and Harry, well, they hardly ever see their Da anymore, they're too busy punching reporters and posing for postcards.
And this just in: David Blunkett, it appears, plans nothing to do with this prominent society marriage, though husbands all over the City are still keeping a sharp lookout for London's blind Lothario and former Home
Wrecker Secretary. Note to Charles: Keep the wife-snatcher under surveillance, and if he comes sniffing 'round, lock the tosser in the tower.
Finally, what does Queen Liz think of all this? "We are very pleased that at long last our son has decided to do right by that divorced woman, Camilla Parker Bowles, whom everyone knows he's been shagging for yeahs.*"
Now we turn to more important questions: What to wear, what to wear?
*Brits have a congenital inability to pronounce the letter "R". Therefore, "years" becomes "yeahs" and "carrots" becomes "cats."